My Ravings n Ramblings

My earlier venture into blogging was to capture the escapades of my kids. Very soon, I did realise that there was a lot more of stuff that demanded to be "penned down". Not wanting to turn the kids' blog into an "everything under the big blue sky" blog, I decided to start another one - and this is it !! "Anything and everything under the big blue sky" that catches my attention and says "pen me down" will be found here.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Rhyming Couplets

A local newspaper (in England) ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line... but the least romantic second line.

Here are some of the entries they received.

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell"

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Oh loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way

Santa n Banta mania continues .......

These were just too hilarious to can away.


SANTA declares:

.. . . I will never marry in my life&. . .

.. . . I'll give same advice to my children also. .. . . .

============ ========= ========= ========= ===

SANTA talking on cell.

BANTA: kis se baat kar raho ho.

SANTA: biwi se.....

BANTA: itne... pyar se....?

SANTA: tumhari hai. . .

============ ========= ========= ========= ===

A donkey kicked SANTA & ran away

SANTA ran to catch the donkey. He saw a zebra & started beating it &

said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.

============ ========= ========= ========= ===

SLAM BOOK filled by Santa.

1.Strength:My wife,Jeeto.

2.Weakness:Banta' s wife,Preeto.

3.Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.

4.Threat:When I am on tour

============ ========= ========= ========

SANTA: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.

Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml

now it's 1.5 ltr.

============ ========= ========= =====

On Jeeto's bday

SANTA had no money, so he sent a cheque of 100 kisses.

When he returns home Jeeto said: Thanks I got cheque cashed from bank

manager.

============ ========= ========= ========

teacher: make a sentence in which 1 word repeated 4 times

SANTA: lara dutta marries brian lara and she becomes lara lara

============ ========= ========= ======

Teacher: is line ki english banao, usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi

gya.

Santa: He done his work and done dana dan done dana dan....

============ ========= ========= ========= ===

Santa went to mysore palace.

Tourist guide - santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair

Santa - oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes.!!..

============ ========= ========= ========= ===

SANTA wanted to make a STD. call to punjab,

He wanted to save money so what did he do?

Simple, he went to punjab and made a local call.

============ ========= ========= ========= =====

Oye paaji, apni pregnant wife ko itne dard mein hospital

ki jagah pizza hut kyun leja raha hai........

SANTA: Kyun key pizza hut mein"Delivery Free" hai.

============ ========= ========= ========= =

SANTA aapko bus me logo ne kyu mara?

SANTA: Are yaar mere photo bus me niche gir gaya aur mene kaha madam

jara sari upper kijiye photo lena hai.....

============ ========= ========= ========= =========

SANTA enters shop shouts, Where is my free gift with this oil?

Shopkeeper: Iske Saath koi gift nahin hai bhai saabâ?o

SANTA : Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE.

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====

One tourist from U.S.A. asked to SANTA: Any great man born in this

village?

SANTA: no sir, only small Babies!!!

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ========= ==

Teacher: A for?

SANTA: Apple

Teacher: Jor se bolo?

SANTA: Jay mata di.

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =========

American says: "US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai.."

SANTA says: " India me to.. shaadi Fe-mail se hoti hai...!!!"

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ========= ======

When TITANIC was sinking, a man asks SANTAji, how far is LAND?

SANTA: 2kms....

Man jumps into THE sea & asks: which way?

SANTA: DOWNWARDS.

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ========

SANTA orders pizza.

Waiter: Sir shud i cut it into 4 pieces or into 8 pieces?

SANTA: 4 hi karde 8 khaye nahi jayenge

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =======

Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.

Santa: Who r u?

Girl: Seeta here.

Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =========

Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?

Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai

jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===

Pathan sitting on the top of the mountain and studying.

When a person asked what he was doing?

He replied, Oye! higher studies yaar.

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===

SANTA n BANTA were fighting after exam.

Sir: Y r u fighting?

SANTA: This fool left the answer sheet blank,

Sir: So what?

SANTA: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both

copied.

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===

SANTA: I'm very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone & saved 1/2 money.

BANTA: You r nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going & I sent

my wife with him.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Gaffes Galore ......

The following gems of wisdom were gleaned from test papers and essays from elementary, junior high, high school, and college students of USA. As one teacher noted, "It is truly astonishing what weird stuff our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades!"

1. "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."

2. "Blood flows down one leg and up the other."

3. "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."

4. "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."

5. "Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."

6. "To prevent milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow."

7. "The parts of speech are lungs and air."

8. "The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes."

9. "A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population."

10. "Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris."

11. "The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom."

12. "The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom."

13. "Iron was discovered because someone smelt it."

14. "Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners."

15. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone
was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

16. The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire's in the East and the sun sets in the West.

17. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the fall when the apples are falling off the trees.

18. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice
for the same offence.

19. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

20. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

21. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel.
Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very
large.

22. The Greeks were a hi ghly sculptured people, and without them we
wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female
moth.

23. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.

24. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years.

Monday, November 20, 2006

A Beautiful Poem by Shri Rabindranath Tagore

Go not to the temple to put flowers upon the feet of God,
First fill your own house with the Fragrance of love...

Go not to the temple to light candles before the altar of God,
First remove the darkness of sin from your heart...

Go not to the temple to bow down your head in prayer,
First learn to bow in humility before your fellowmen...

Go not to the temple to pray on bended knees,
First bend down to lift someone who is down-trodden...

Go not to the temple to ask for forgiveness for your sins,
First forgive from your heart those who have sinned against you...

Some Good Ole Sardar One Liners ...

Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring.Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.

Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die?Patient : Yes. A good doctor.

2 sardars were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have one more.

Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board.
Parking is only for 2 wheeler.

Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.

Boss : Where were you born ?
sardar : Punjab .
Boss : which part ?
sardar : Kya which part ?
Whole body born in punjab.

How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Some Good Marketing Slogans ........

1) Sign on a railway station at Patna:
Aana free, jaana free, pakde gaye to khana free.

2) Seen on a famous beauty parlor in Bombay:
Don't whistle at the girl going out from here. She may be your grandmother!

3) Seen on a bulletin board:
Success is relative. More the success, more the relatives.

4)Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay:
We need your heads to run our business.

5)A traffic slogan:
Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough-or else they never will be.....

6)Sign in a restaurant:
All drinking water in this establishment has been personally passed by the manager.

THE BEST ONE :

7) Its God's responsibility to forgive the terrorist organizations such as Jaish, Lashkar etc. Its our responsibility to arrange the meeting between them and God.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

One more T Shirt gaffe ...

One of my earlier posts covered a range of weird names which people adopt in Hongkong.

To follow up on that, Vic was coming back home the other day when he found a lady going towards the MTR station.

She was wearing a T-Shirt with the following letters splashed across the bust

"Milk Not Found".

Looks very much like the locals here are going to carry on the quest for the said commodity in right earnest :-))

Sadhya - The Traditional Feast


Saddhi (Talayalam) or Sadhya (Malayalam)

– ask any TamBram or a Keralaite and they will tell you that it is a integral part of life.

Through my childhood days, I’ve seen a great many of these. A full, traditional feast served and eaten on a plaintain leaf. I would go to the extent of calling it an art form in itself – for it takes quite a bit of preparation and practice to perfect the art of eating on a banana leaf.

Through the years, this traditional routine has not just survived but even flourished. There are a great many, who, even today, would stake claim to the notion that a saddhi is not a saddhi if it is not eaten on a banana leaf.

The ambiance, the character that the banana leaf brings about, sets the tone for a very fulfilling saddhi.

Abroad, when one talks about parties and get-togethers etc.. the food is catered by hotels or restaurants. What we see or get to see on the outside is food in all its glory being slowly heated up by the small tabletop burners/stoves. What happens behind the scenes is a mystery. The cutting up of the vegetables, the grinding of the masalas, the very art, sentiment of cooking and bringing together the entire meal – the whole zeal, the whole fervor is missed out on as far as the onlooker or the spectator goes.

In the case of the “even now abundant” marriage saddhis or poonal saddhis – this is not the case.

The kitchen, or the working area for the cooks, is just beyond the dining halls. People are most welcome to feast their eyes on the vegetables and the ingredients right from the time they are brought in in huge sacks, right upto the time when they are cooked on the huge urns on huge stoves.

Come to think of it, there are not too many people at work – cutting, cooking etc.. and yet it is amazing as to how they keep dishing out food like a conveyor belt. Multi tasking in all its abundant glory !!

I remember, as a child, being fascinated by the vegetable cutting skills of one of the cook’s many assistants – elegantly designated as sous chefs nowadays.

Huge pieces of pumpkin, yam, large bundles of beans, big cabbages would all be chopped, sliced and minced with a gusto and speed that would put an express train to shame.

Long, thin slices of vegetables for aviyal, chunks for kootu curry and tiny tiny bits and shreds for thoran (another name for poduthool).

All the vegetables and other ingredients, neatly apportioned, go into their respective urns and vessels for being cooked into respective dishes. The menu, for a saddhi, is quite often the same. Changes are quite minimal. Yet, no one saddhi is the same as another.

The crescendo starts to build well before food is served. People mill about, searching for a seat in front of a spread out banana leaf. Once that is secured, comes the washing the leaf bit. A bit of water poured on the banana leaf and a swish and flourish of the right hand upwards and downwards on the leaf leaves it clean.

The grandiose finale comes when the food is brought out for being served on a plantain leaf. The cook’s assistants weave their way through lines and lines of tables, all looking uniform with many many plantain leaves spread out on them.

They carry in their hands, gleaming steel buckets with the necessary implements for serving the food. It would be dipping ladles for the liquids like sambar, rasam, yoghurt etc…. flat ladles for vegetables like curries or poduthools (dry curry without gravy), smaller spoons for pickles and puliinji (a semi liquid pickle made out of tamarind, ginger and green chillies seasoned with mustard, methi seeds, asafetida, chana dal and curry leaves).

The ladle for the payasam (kheer) would be slightly different – in that it would be curved enough to contain enough payasam to fill one bowl and yet slightly flat to make the pouring of the payasam into the bowls a not very cumbersome process.

Yet again, there still are many of the old timers around, people who prefer to eat payasam too on the plantain leaf and not drink it from a bowl. The asst cooks would pour the payasam on to the plantain leaf on the bottom half of the leaf, whilst deftly moving the ladle from the left of the leaf all the way to the right. The result being a stream of steaming, fragrant payasam which would then be scooped up in the palm of the hand and gulped down. In quite a few cases, the payasam would leave a trail down the hand – from the palm say halfway up to the elbow – sometimes even further and I’ve seen people licking their hands elbow up without any qualms whatsoever.

Then again, there are people who drink payasam from the bowls with great gusto and relish – slurping, glugging and swallowing the payasam in great gulps – in an effort to empty their bowls before another helping of the payasam arrives.

Then again, there are people who sip daintily at the payasam bowls trying to appear very nonchalant about the fact that the second helping might well be on its way already.

Then again, there are people who, after having finished one helping, request quite unabashedly for another helping of payasam without any qualms or reservations.

Then again, there are people who, after having finished one helping, would extend their bowls for another helping whilst holding up the palm of their other hand as if to say “No Thank You”.

As far as my childhood days were concerned, I guess I used to derive a lot more enjoyment from watching people around me eat rather than concentrate wholly on eating what was on my leaf. You get to see such a wide variety of personalities.

I remember watching with utter fascination as some people rolled up sambar and rice into balls (about the size of golf balls) and they would just toss it into their mouths. With unerring precision, I may add. I used to watch sadhya after sadhya hoping secretly and praying fervently that one of the sambar balls would land on the neighbouring banana leaf. No such thing ever happened !! What a pity !!

Then on to the rasam and rice which was a totally different ball game altogether. It would run all over the banana leaf and hands would chase it all over. Once the veterans were done, there would not be a drop of rasam left on the leaf. I used to skip this course altogether. :-))

Then the payasam and finally, to cool the palate and settle the now abundantly filled tummies, came the curd rice.

And after the sadhya, I still vividly remember the dining area of the hall resounding with burps and belches – of extremely satisfied elders – signifying their satisfaction at having partaken a visually and gastronomically fantastic sadhya.

Finally, there would be the digestive aid – Paan.

I used to watch with wonder at the way the mamis spread out the paan leaves, snapped off the stem of the leaf. They would then proceed to spread a little limestone on the paan and then place some betelnuts right in the centre of the paan leaf. This would be followed by some very meticulous folding of the paan. Some of the mamis used to be so good that by the time they were through folding the paan leaf, it used to resemble a slightly large chewing gum pellet.

That’s what I call ancient Indian Origami. :-))

Sadhya – Oh What a Feast !!!

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Go Ahead ..... Have a Good Laugh .....

In a Bangkok temple:

"IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN."

Cocktail lounge , Norway:

"LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR."

Doctor's office, Rome:

"SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES."

Dry cleaners, Bangkok:"DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS."

In a Nairobi restaurant:

"CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER."

On a poster in Kenya:

"ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP."

On an Athi River highway (this is the main road to Mombasa) leaving Nairobi .

"TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE."

In a City restaurant :

"OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS."

A notice seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:

"DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS."

In a cemetery:

"PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANYBUT THEIR OWN GRAVES."

A Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:

"GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED."

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:

"OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR."

In a Tokyo bar: "SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS."

Hotel, Yugoslavia :

"THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID."

Hotel, Japan :

"YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID."

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel, across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:

"YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY."

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:

"IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ON UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE."

Hotel, Zurich:

"BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE."

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:

"WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?"

On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:

"GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE."

In a Swiss mountain inn:

"SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM."

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:

"WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS."

A laundry in Rome:

"LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME."

Monday, August 21, 2006

A new kind of signboard

The other day, in one of the ladies' public washrooms, the signboard outside caught my attention
"Boys of the opposite sex above the age of 6 years old are not allowed into this toilet"

Huh ????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!